How was your day?
by Barbarella
Summary: Harry's in denial... Draco in lust. Humor fic set in seventh year. Slash ALSO, IF YOU WANT INFO ON 'CHASING THE DRAGON' PLEASE AT LEAST READ THE CH. 2 AN.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I wrote this for the harrydraco live journal communities 'Pushed up against the wall' challenge. I hope ya'll like it. And for those of you that care, I know I haven't updated 'The Dragon' in a really long time and I greatly apologize but… it just isn't happening. I am hoping this little ficlet will help me out of my slump but I guess only time will tell. And if you have not guessed this is slash, so if it's not your thing, I suggest you hit the back but.

Disclaimer: I lay no claim to these wonderful characters nor am I making any money off of them. Please do not sue me.

Thank you as always to my wonderful beta Lucy.

Now on with the show.

* * *

The first time Draco Malfoy pulled me behind the Quidditch shed, I must say I was more than a little surprised. After all, it's not everyday your 'worst enemy' sticks his tongue down your throat. But what could I do? I was cornered, trapped even, with absolutely no means of escape. So of course I had to kiss back… it would have been rude not to. Don't judge me, what would you have done? Fought? Tried to get away? Yeah, you say that now, but you have no idea what it was like, you weren't there. You don't know how wonderful - HORRIBLE, I meant how horrible it was to have that warm body pressed against you, to feel those soft lips moving across yours to - what? Oh, sorry got caught up in the moment there. Anyway like I was saying, it was one of the most horrific events of my life.

The next time it happened I was prepared. I was running late after potions and I heard someone coming up behind me; I was once again trapped. So I did the only thing I could think of - I turned quickly (using my super seeker reflexes) and pinned HIM against the wall. I knew that would show him. But you know what? He didn't even struggle, not one bit. He actually, seemed to _melt_ into the kiss. He even had the nerve to put his hands behind my back and pull me closer, the hateful bastard. Then do you know what happened? Do you really want to know? Ok, I'll tell you, he moaned. Can you believe it? Honest to god 'hasn't had sex in years this is the best experience of my life' throaty _groan_. The nerve! I was supposed to be punishing him! Well, I just wasn't standing for that. So you want to know what I did next? I put a hand under his shirt - with the intention of scratching the shit out of him I assure you, when Snape came around the corner and pulled us apart. Screaming something about having to poke out his own eyes and ruining my good time - revenge, I meant revenge. I said revenge! Are you calling me a liar?

Whatever, am I the one telling this story or not? Just sit back and listen. Anyway, like I said, I was so infuriated by Snape's interrupting of my righteous vengeance I decided to stalk - I mean avoid - Malfoy at all cost. No being alone with him, no staying late after classes, no being alone in the halls. And it was working too, that is, until I thought it was safe for me to take a bath in the prefect's bathroom, alone. Big mistake, as Malfoy is, you know a prefect. So there I was relaxing, trying to enjoy some private 'me' time. And no I was not thinking about Malfoy naked at the time, nor was I thinking of licking chocolate syrup off his chiseled torso - pervert!

Anyway, I'm sitting there relaxing when he bursts in on me. I was, of course, infuriated by his mere presence, and I told him so, but do you want to know what he did? He smirked at me, and then started taking off his clothes! I asked him almost immediately what he thought he was doing (I was not staring at him or drooling you sick bastard!) but he didn't answer, he just slowly slid into the tub. On my end! I mean seriously, that tub is bigger than most swimming pools; there was plenty of room for him on the other side. There was need to invade my personal space! Especially when he wasn't _doing_ anything. What do you mean? What are you trying to say? That is _not_ what I meant. It isn't! I don't know, washing maybe? Certainly not just sitting there staring at me - which, was most unnerving by the way - before I decided to say something about it. It went something like this.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"What Malfoy?"

"What do you mean 'What' Harry?"

"What do you want? And don't call me Harry."

"I don't want anything _Harry_."

"Then stop staring at me and for god's sake would you give me some room! This tub is plenty big! You don't have to be practically on top of me you know."

"But what if I want to be on top of you?"

"Why would you - oh you really are disgusting Malfoy."

"You didn't seem to think so in the hall a few days ago."

"I was punishing you!"

"What about the Quidditch shed?"

"That wasn't my fault! You attacked me."

He slid closer, bringing his face mere inches from mine.

"You seemed to enjoy it at the time. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were enjoying this as well."

"Enjoying what exactly?"

"Me. Being this close to you."

"You're delusional Malfoy."

"You're hard Potter."

"That has nothing to do with you! If you must know, I was wanking before you came in! So there!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"What where you thinking about then?"

"What?"

He shifted closer and I felt his hand lightly graze my already hard cock. I tilted my head back - groaning slightly at the action. I felt his breath against my ear as his hand closed fully around me, stroking lazily.

"Where you thinking of me Harry?"

My breath caught as his pace quickened… I nodded. You should always tell the truth, no matter what.

"What was I doing to you Harry? Were we doing this?"

He tightened his grip and I began to whimper (rather pathetically), shaking my head. No, we were not doing this. This is not enough.

"No? What then Harry? You can tell me. Were you fucking me?"

All I managed is a weak nod.

"Was I screaming for you Harry? Was I begging for it? Did I call out your name? Ohh Harry… yes… fuck me… harder… yeah like that… uh huh… ohhh yessss… faster… please… more… yesyesyesyesyesyes. Something like that, perhaps?"

He flicks his tongue against my ear and I have to summon all the willpower I posses not to come right then. I wanted it to last a little longer. It didn't.

"Not just yet love."

The next thing I knew his hand was replaced by his mouth and I just couldn't hold it any more. The feeling of his lips sliding _so_ perfectly over me is all it took and my vision exploded into brilliant white light.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

Needless to say I got out of there as soon as possible. After that, I thought it best to avoid Dra - Malfoy whenever I could. I didn't want him to molest me again. I have a reputation to live up to after all, and I couldn't have horny, sexy little Slytherins messing that up for me, now could I? I was doing a good job of it too, until I decided to go flying one night after dinner, alone - another big mistake. There wasn't anyone around to protect me when I went to take a shower in the changing rooms. No one except, Malfoy of course and I was positive protecting me was the last thing on his mind. It went something like this.

_**FLASHBACK**_

After a few hours of flying, I wanted nothing more than to enjoy a nice hot shower and crawl into bed. So even though I knew I shouldn't go to the changing rooms alone, and even though I knew I could take a shower in the dorms, I decided to risk it. Besides, Malfoy could have been in there waiting and some poor un-expecting soul could have wandered into the sordid sexscapades he seemed to be so fond of lately. I did not watch him go in there! I was focusing on improving my flying skills thank you very much! It could have been anyone sauntering into the Gryffindor changing rooms with blond hair and Slytherin robes… honestly!

Ok, so I saw him go in there! Stop interrogating me! And yeah alright, maybe I went in after him but for the sole purpose of telling him he needed to leave… I swear! Stop looking at me like that! Anyway, I walked through the door to find him sitting on one of the benches in front the showers. Looking very bored and picking imaginary dirt from under his finger nails. Not being one to waste time, I immediately asked him what he was doing.

"What are you doing in here Malfoy? Did you not notice the 'Gryffindor Changing Rooms' sign above the door?"

He stopped his movements - bringing his eyes up slowly to meet mine.

"You've been avoiding me Harry."

"I always avoid you Malfoy."

Without a word he stood and began to walk towards me. Not wanting a repeat of prior… activities, I started to back up slowly. Unfortunately, there was a wall behind me and before I knew it, I was trapped… again. He pressed me into the wall, placing a hand on the side of my head - bringing his face dangerously close to mine.

"Harry, Harry, Harry… I don't like being ignored."

"Uhhh, Malfoy? Think you could back up a bit?"

He tilted his head slightly as if pondering the question before pressing me even further into the wall… smiling widely at me.

"No, I don't think I can."

I wasn't really sure what to do at that point, I was far too exhausted to fight him (don't look at me like that, I was) and regrettably, I was never able to find out if I could have done anything. For at the very moment I was running over ways to get out, he brought a knee up between my legs and began to apply a very nice amount of pressure. I tried really hard to hold back the moan that threatened to escape at the action, but I couldn't. Nor was I able to prevent my head from falling back - leaving my neck very open to any and all of Draco's attentions.

I stayed like that for oh, five minutes or so. Humping Draco Malfoy's leg like some horny dog, while he did wonders on my neck - nipping, kissing and licking in all the right places.

I felt his hands go under my shirt and his lips left my skin, coming to rest somewhere close to my ear.

"Do you want this Harry?"

"Oh… gods yes."

"Do you want me Harry?"

"Yes… you always… wanted… please."

The next thing I knew, I lost that delicious pressure and Malfoy had dropped to his knees in front of me - hurriedly undoing and yanking down my trousers.

The moment I felt that perfect mouth slide over my cock, I thought it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Nothing could have been better than that. He started out slow at first, licking around the head, taking only a little in at a time. Using only the slightest suction to drive me crazy but not enough to bring me to completion. He was teasing me, I knew it… but what was I supposed to do about it? Suddenly his movements turned urgent and he began bobbing his head up and down my length frantically… it didn't take long after that.

After it was all over, I collapsed against him - arms on either side of his shoulders, breathing heavily. He allowed me a second or two to catch my breath before standing me upright again - spinning me around to face the wall. Which was not as smooth as it sounds I assure you, being that my pants where down around my ankles, but thankfully, Draco kept me from falling.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

You can imagine what happened after that. It was so horrible! I'll probably have nightmares for the rest of my life! Oh the pain and humiliation of it all! I am so mortified, I feel so violated, so ashamed, I - Oh, all right I enjoyed it! There, are you happy now? Do you get some kind of morbid satisfaction in knowing I took pleasure in it? That I screamed for him, that I begged and pleaded for him to go 'harderfasterdeeperyeahlikethatpleasedracomore'. That I slammed myself back against him, moaned and arched like a cat in heat. That I loved every single minute of it, that I don't regret it, that I'd be doing it right now if I could. Does that satisfy your sick, twisted little mind? Well? Does it?

Well, that's what happened. Can you believe it? I had sex with Draco Malfoy. Enjoyed it too, plan on doing it again even. Who'd of thought?

Finally done with my tangent I turn back to Ron who's looking at me with a mixture of shock and disgust.

"What?"

"Remind me to NEVER ask you how your day was Ever. Again."

What'd I say?


	2. What do you think?

A/N: This wasn't supposed to be a multi chapter story but Draco would just not leave me alone about having to tell 'his side' so here it is. There is also one more chapter on the way and I should have it up very soon - no seriously, very soon.

For anyone who's interested in 'The Dragon' or anything else I might be getting up to, or if you just want to drop me a line, please refer to the link in my profile. I will be putting my fics up there along with any info on 'The Dragon' for anyone that's interested.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: I am in need of a beta. Although I love the one I have dearly - she is family after all. I need a new one due to her desire to go back to school. Also, I would like for someone (whoever would be interested in doing so) to re-beta 'The Dragon' from chapter 1 onward. As I am sure some of you have noticed there are many many mistakes in that particular story that I would like to have rectified. So, if you are at all interested please email me. And at the risk of being snobbish I ask that you show me your skills in your email… no internet speak please.

Disclaimer: Sadly no, they are not mine. And just so you know I cry every time I have to write that.

Thank you as always to the lovely Lucy for all her help and encouragement.

On with the show.

* * *

I could tell Harry Potter wanted me the first time I caught him using his invisibility cloak to spy on me in the prefect's bath. Well, caught him so much as I just knew he was there. Not knew _exactly_ but had a feeling - a very strong feeling. In any case, this is what caused me to attack - I mean, _approach_ him that first time behind the Quidditch shed. I knew he wanted me and isn't the golden boy always supposed to get what he wants? Why are you looking at me like that? He does so want me! Why did I even think for a moment you would be able to understand this? You don't know anything! What was that? Oh, you think I'm lying do you? I'm what? Deluded? I am not deluded! I am perfectly sane thank you very much! What was that? Are you trying to imply that I am being less than honest? I'll have you know that I never lie… much… unless it's important… or I think I should. Doesn't matter, I am not a liar… so there!

MOVING ON!

So you see, pulling Potter behind that shed, had nothing to do with me. I was just fulfilling my obligation to Wizarding kind. What do you mean what obligation? The one to keep 'The Boy Who Lived' happy of course. Isn't that the responsibility of every living witch and wizard? It's not? Humph, well… it should be. Because I said so that's why! Besides, what if he was to get pissed at all of us and take off somewhere - refusing to kill Voldemort before he left? Then where would we be, hmmm?

Don't you walk away from me! I don't care if you're not interested! You will sit down and you will listen… and you will like it. Oh fine then, go ahead and leave. But if you do, I can't promise you'll wake up in the morning. I thought so. Now where was I? Oh yes, Harry Potter's infinite lust for my gorgeous body - do that again and I will slap you, so help me. No one dry heaves in my presence… especially when it's concerning me.

Now if you're quite finished interrupting me, I would like to get on with my story. So, like I was saying. Harry Potter is very much in love with me, and since he's not exactly a troll, I decided to give him what he wanted. He didn't respond like I had expected that first time… not right away anyway. He was a little shy I think; he just sort of slumped back against the shed wall and allowed me to kiss him. He wasn't exactly what I would call a good kisser but I knew he'd learn… I would make sure of that.

So you can imagine my surprise, when I was walking along after potions and was slammed - rather forcefully - into the hard stone. My first instinct was to fight, that is, until I felt a familiar body melt into mine, and a very familiar pair of lips descend upon my own. Of course I opened my eyes a bit, just to take a peak. What? I had to make sure it was Potter didn't I? I just couldn't go on snogging some random person in the schools hallway now could I? How dare you say that! I am not a slut! I am very selective about my bed partners' thank you very much! Whatever, may I continue please! Thank You. So, Potter has me pushed up against this wall and it is honestly one of the hottest things I've ever experienced, he must be a fast learner. I reached my arms behind his back to pull him closer - which elicited the most erotic moan from him - at the exact moment he started to slide his hands under my shirt. Sadly, everyone's favorite potions master happened to pick that precise moment to come around the corner and tear us apart.

After that Harry pretty much avoided me. I thought it was rather odd considering he was the one in love with me but whatever. So, I did the only logical thing I could think of… I stalked him. Well, not stalk so much as waited around places I knew he'd be, but he was never alone! And contrary to popular opinion, the group thing's not my scene. My hard work and dedication finally paid off, when I was on my way to the prefects bath (No! To _bathe_, you bitch!) and saw Harry slipping in… alone. I cast a glance around the hallway to make sure no one was coming, and then went in myself - making sure to cast a few silencing and locking charms, for… well… you know. Say that again and I'll light your hair on fire and stop interrupting me damn it! Where was I? Oh yeah, the prefect's bath… picture this.

_**FLASHBACK**_

By the time I reached the tub Potter was already in there, gloriously naked and quite obviously enjoying himself. Not being one to waste time, I removed myself from my clothes and slipped in, on the opposite end of course. I was naked after all and I didn't want the poor boy to have an aneurysm or anything. I just sat back and watched, which obviously unnerved him.

"What Malfoy?"

"What do you mean 'What' Harry?"

"What do you want? And don't call me Harry."

"I don't want anything _Harry_."

"Then stop staring at me and for god's sake would you give me some room! This tub is plenty big! You don't have to be practically on top of me you know."

I was a little shocked by his reaction. But I assumed he was playing hard to get and decided I would have to give him a little nudge.

"But what if I want to be on top of you?"

"Why would you - oh you really are disgusting Malfoy."

"You didn't seem to think so in the hall a few days ago."

"I was punishing you!"

"What about the Quidditch shed?"

"That wasn't my fault! You attacked me!"

I could have argued with that statement but I opted to take the opportunity to step up my seduction and moved in closer - bringing my face mere inches from his.

"You seemed to enjoy it at the time. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were enjoying this as well."

"Enjoying what exactly?"

"Me. Being this close to you."

"You're delusional Malfoy."

"You're hard Potter."

"That has nothing to do with you! If you must know, I was wanking before you came in! So there!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"What where you thinking about then?"

"What?"

I moved a little closer - grazing my hand over his cock lightly as I did so. He groaned at the action, letting his head fall back against the tub. Taking this as an invitation to continue, I wrapped my hand around him fully and began to stroke languidly - bringing my lips to his ear.

"Where you thinking of me Harry?"

I quickened my pace and his breath hitched slightly - he nodded.

"What was I doing to you Harry? Were we doing this?"

He began to whimper as I tightened my grasp but again shook his head.

"No? What then Harry? You can tell me. Were you fucking me?"

He nodded softly and I knew I had him.

"Was I screaming for you Harry? Was I begging for it? Did I call out your name? Ohh Harry… yes… fuck me… harder… yeah like that… uh huh… ohhh yessss… faster… please… more… yesyesyesyesyesyes. Something like that perhaps?"

I flicked my tongue against his ear and felt him shiver in reply.

"Not just yet love."

I replaced my hands with my mouth and barely got one good suck in before he started shuddering - which, I thought was quite rude. He didn't even give me time to enjoy it but I didn't comment on the subject.

Next thing I knew he was all but flying over me, grabbing his clothes and running out the door. But that's just like him isn't it? Thinking only of himself, leaving me alone to finish myself off… typical.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

After that Potter started avoiding me like the plague. Very bad manners that one has. I was at loss. I had absolutely no idea what else to do. I knew he wanted me and I had offered myself to him a number of times, but he's just too honorable for his own good I suppose. He probably thought he'd be taking advantage of me or something… bloody Gryffindors. Not to mention, he was once again - never alone! So I had to revert back to my old tactic of following him around - very stealthy I might add - hoping I could catch him unaccompanied.

Once again my dedication to 'get in Potter's pants' paid off, as I came upon him flying one night… all alone. Unfortunately, it was bloody cold out so I opted not to stand in the tundra waiting for him. Instead, I took a gamble and headed for the Gryffindor changing rooms. Trusting he would either see me go in there and follow, or come to take a shower. I would have preferred the former however, being that I wanted him to chase me for a change; I was bloody tired of doing the work! He was the one who wanted my Adonis like body (not the other way around) - Take that back this instant! I'll have you know there are hundreds, possibly thousands of people who want to have sex with me! What? I hate you. Argh… I told you to stop interrupting me! Oh so that's your plan isn't it? Keep interrupting me and maybe just maybe you'll piss me off enough so I'll stop telling my little tale eh? Well too bad because I am going to finish I - ENOUGH - Gryffindor Changing rooms, picture this.

_**FLASHBACK**_

Once I entered the room a single thought occurred to me - Gryffindors, are pigs. There were random towels and quidditch uniforms everywhere. Not wanting to touch anything with my hands - I didn't want to catch anything - I used my wand to slide some dirty towels off a bench and sat down. I became bored quickly waiting for Potter and took to cleaning out from under my fingernails to amuse myself. I resent that! There is nothing wrong with being clean… you should try it some time - heathen!

Soon enough, the golden boy himself walked in, looking nice and disheveled from flying, I wanted to jump him instantly. Then he opened his mouth.

"What are you doing in here Malfoy? Did you not notice the 'Gryffindor Changing Rooms' sign above the door?"

I flicked the last vestige of dirt from underneath my thumb nail then brought my eyes up - seductively - to meet his.

"You've been avoiding me Harry."

I don't like it… not one bit.

"I always avoid you Malfoy."

I stood up wordlessly and began to move closer to him, but for some reason he started to back away. I instantly decided I wouldn't take any more of that shy Gryffindor bullshit… I'd had enough. Fortunately for me he backed straight up into a wall, after that, there was no where for my little one to go. I closed the distance between us - placing my hands on either side of his head.

"Harry, Harry, Harry… I don't like being ignored."

"Uhhh, Malfoy? Think you could back up a bit?"

I leaned my head to side as if considering the question, before smiling predatorily as I pushed him even further into the wall.

"No, I don't think I can."

Finally having my prey where I wanted him, I brought a knee up between his legs - applying the slightest amount of pressure. He groaned softly tilting his head back, I took that as an invitation and slowly began to nibble, lick and kiss my way up and down his neck.

He began to grind himself against me, as I continued my assault on his most willing flesh. I, however, did not see the point in prolonging his torment for too long and began to run my hands under his shirt - whilst I simultaneously brought my lips to his ear.

"Do you want this Harry?"

"Oh… gods yes."

He was so desperate.

"Do you want me Harry?"

"Yes… you always… wanted… please."

He was so Mine.

That was all I needed to hear and before I realized what I had done, I found myself on my knees before him - hurriedly undoing and tugging down his trousers.

I'd seen more than my share of naked men in my life (Fuck you! I am not a man whore! I share a room with four other males and I happen to shower with them, so if you - oh you're going to pay for that you bitch! But not until after I'm finished with my goddamn story! So sit back and shut the fuck _up _for once in your life.) but I'd never seen one so utterly beautiful. I was in awe as I wrapped my hands around that perfect cock. Then, leaning my head down - I flicked my tongue lightly over the head, before ever so slowly taking a little in at time, using only the lightest suction. What? I said he was perfect, I didn't say he had any stamina and I wanted it to last a little longer than the last time. Fortunately for him however, I got bored with that rather quickly and wanted nothing more than to fuck him against that wall. So, with that in mind, I increased my pace and pressure - quickly bringing him to orgasm.

Once it was all over he collapsed against me - arms on either side of my shoulders, using me for what appeared to be much needed support. I, on the other hand, am a very impatient person, (as I'm sure I've mentioned before) and I barely gave him time to catch his breath before I lifted him back up and spun him around to face the wall.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

I'm sure you can use your imagination for the rest. What hell are you talking about? Don't you think I know that! I was there remember? I held him up that's how. You'd love that wouldn't you, for me to be making this up. Well sorry to disappoint, I'm not. You should have heard him too, moaning and carrying on like he did. I never would have pegged him for a screamer but scream he did, over and over. 'Ohh Draco… yes… like that… please… more… harder… faster… etc…etc. Don't you dare look at me like that! You're just jealous you didn't get there first. That's it isn't it? You want him don't you? Sorry but he's mine and if you touch him I'll kill you. Don't look so shocked, I am a Slytherin remember? We protect what's ours. And Harry Potter is very much mine. Although, I might be persuaded to let you watch... if you'd like. Excuse me? I am not disgusting! Loads of people would kill for that opportunity.

Anyway that's what happened. Harry Potter wanted me and I had no choice but to give in to his desire. I think I made the right decision.

"What do you think Professor Snape?"

"I think, Mr. Malfoy, that it is time for you to go back to your room. As I now have many hours of memory altering charms to place on myself."

But I wasn't finished!


	3. Denial

A/N: Here it is, as promised. This is part three in a series I didn't even mean to be a series and it is the last part… there is no more after this. That's kind of sad isn't it? Anyway, as I said in the last chapter, if you want updates on my fic progress or to just drop me a line or anything - go to my livejournal page, user name calypsoblue. This can actually be read as a stand alone, but it was inspired by the first two and it goes along with them... I think... I hope. Oh and just so you know it is from Ron's POV. Do I even have to say it? I guess I do, don't I? This is slash people, meaning boy/boy. So if you stumbled in here by mistake, I suggest you back away slowly, before the fan girls attack you and make you one of their own.

Disclaimer: I am sad to say that the lovely boy's contained in this chapter, still do not belong to me. If they did… the Harry Potter books would be a lot more… naked.

Thanks as always to my current beta and Best friend Lucy.

On with the Show.

* * *

"Did you _see_ that girl Ron?"

Oh god, here we go again. This is getting fucking ridiculous.

"Yes Harry."

"Gods she was hot."

"Sure Harry."

"And did you check out that rack? Normally…"

"Harry."

"…I'm an ass man myself but…"

You're an 'ass man' all right.

"Harry."

"… I wouldn't mind getting my hands on her quaffles. And those legs, I could just…"

"HARRY!"

"What?"

"You're gay Harry. Gayer than gay, the gayest man alive, _super_ gay."

"Pssh, I am not. I love the ladies."

"You've been living with Malfoy for 5 years now Harry."

He looks at me for a second, before waving his hand dismissively at me.

"Passing phase."

"Say it Harry."

"Say what?"

"That you're gay and you aren't even the least bit attracted to that girl and you're in love with Malfoy."

"Whatever you say Ron, now if you'll excuse me… I have a number to get."

I'm on the verge of ripping my own hair out when Satan - I mean Malfoy saunters in - taking the seat beside me.

"Harry pretending to be straight today?"

"Yep."

"That's starting to get bloody annoying."

"Yep."

"One of these days I'm going to have to beat some sense into him."

"Yep."

"I would prefer to shag some sense into him. But…"

"Whoa Malfoy, you're passing the sharing barrier here."

"Quiet Weasley. All I was going to say was that's what always seems to trigger Potters random bouts of 'straightness'."

"Yeah well, it's getting bloody absurd. How am I ever supposed to get laid when 'Not Gay today Potter' shows up trying to pull all the girls?"

"Come now Weasel, you can hardly blame Harry for your lack of sex appeal."

"Oh fuck off Malfoy."

"All in due time. I'm just waiting for Harry to realize that young female is lacking a very important body part, _pivotal _to his sexual gratification."

Harry finally makes his way back, sitting on the other side of Draco, grinning broadly.

"Hello Draco."

"Gay yet Harry? I'm about ready to go."

"I am not gay!"

"That's not what you said this morning."

"Like I told Ron… it's a phase… It'll pass."

At this point I just can't take it anymore. I jump up from my seat - waving my arms wildly for dramatic purposes.

"For fucks sake Harry! You're gay! You. Like. Cock. Deal with it and move on! Your sexual insecurities are becoming tiring."

"Ron!"

"What? It's true! Just admit you're gay and get it over with! I'm getting bloody sick of this."

"Mumble mumble."

"What was that Harry?"

"I said I _might_ be gay… but only just a little."

Oh thank the Gods! Now maybe he'll stop being a big gay cock block. My little victory is cut short, as the ferret puts an arm around Harry, pulling him into a passionate kiss. I guess with Harry finally admitting his gayness, I'll have to see a lot more of this. It'll be a small price to pay.

"Well… it's a start."

I can't help myself - I gag a little.

"Could you two please take that somewhere a little more… not in my line of vision?"

I have to stop myself from dry retching when Malfoy reaches a hand down to grab Harry's ass and I wonder idly if maybe it won't be such a small price after all.

"My thoughts exactly. What do you say Mr. Potter? Up for a nice romp?"

"Why Mr. Malfoy… I thought you'd never ask."

I can't help but roll my eyes as they leave. I perk up instantly however, when I see the girl Harry was trying to chat up earlier coming my way. My perkiness is short lived though, as I notice almost instantly her eyes are focused solely in the direction of the way Harry and Malfoy left - knowing with a sudden clairvoyance just what she's going to ask me.

"Excuse me; was that Harry Potter leaving with Draco Malfoy?"

"Yes."

She frowns and I have to use all the willpower I posses not to laugh in her face.

"Are they coming back?"

"I doubt it, knowing those two they'll be shagging all night."

I know that was cruel. Harry was more than likely hitting on her earlier, so it would be normal for her to want to know why it isn't _her_ he was leaving with. Why she missed her shot at the famous Harry Potter. But after five years of settling for Harry's cast offs, (because he is indeed very gay) and five years of having to make excuses for him and answer all their ruddy questions, like I was his personal secretary or something. I'm tired of it; I am no one's second best or a bloody secretary.

"Harry Potter's gay?"

"YES!"

The End.


End file.
